Grief

Posted on 26 May 2009 @ 12:30am by Colonel Stadi Andrus

2,792 words; about a 14 minute read

Mission: M2: Aggressive Negotiations
Location: CMO's quarters
Timeline: Current

Termin Elek walked thoughtfully through the corridors of the Freedom. He always walked when he was deep in thought, and this was no exception. He found himself thinking about Mari. He wondered what it could be that seemed to deeply trouble her. He had felt it coming off her in waves as she had sat near him, and he had tried to give her strength from his presence, but he felt he could have done more.

So he almost missed the waves of grief and sadness as he passed them in the corridor, but then stopped and looked round. There was no-one there. He blinked for a moment, then realised he was in the senior officer's quarters section of the ship, and he had just passed Dr Hemmingway's quarters.

He hesitated for a moment, but only a moment. They hadn't got off to a good start, that was for sure, but she was obviously in emotional distress, and he wanted to help. Even if she rejected that help.
Elek touched the door chime.

Melanie had just tried to kill the man that she felt responsible for the death of Talar. She was disgusted at herself, she was a hypocrite. She didn't want Talar to kill Almek and here she was wanting to kill Nniol. Her heart was completely and utterly broken.

She heard the chime. "Come in!" She responded without thinking, it had always been automatic for her because she was the doctor. She sensed another empath and groaned knowing that whoever it was had felt her emotions. Melanie would have to be more careful, she hadn't been around so many telepaths in close to ten years.

Elek could feel Hemmingway's pain as he walked through the door, and also felt her clumsy attempts to mask it. She was quite clearly grieving that his mind reached out just to the very fringes of hers.
~Doctor,~ he thought to her, ~forgive me for intruding. I couldn't help but feel your pain from the corridor. I realise this is an intrusion, but I come as a friend, not as a counselor.~
To show his intent, he took off his comm badge and placed it on a table.

She closed her eyes and concentrated on closing her mind. "I have had difficulty closing my mind." She replied once she opened her eyes and closed her mind.

Elek nodded. He understood her intent, and spoke verbally, as she had done. "I know," he replied. "I have had many years refining my own mind control techniques. I come here offering my assistance and my knowledge. To help you strengthen your mental defences during whatever emotional turmoil you're going through."

"That will not be necessary. I have spent ten years with a Vulcan." She said curtly, she really had no interest in talking to the counselor.

"I have spent several lifetimes learning the arts, and I don't pretend to be an expert," Elek replied. He smiled wanly. "Actually, I've found that, the longer I've lived, the less I know." He laughed, and motioned to a chair. "May I? Thank you." Before Melanie could say anything, he had sat down.

"That's one thing I like, you know," he said, "about living such a long life. You're constantly kept on your toes. Like ... a Vulcan and a Betazoid, falling in love. I'd love to hear about it, if you're willing to talk about it."

"I am not." She said crossing his arms. Melanie was starting to get angry with the counselor, yes he was trying to be her friend but she would not speak of Talar to him. She didn't know him nor did she trust him.

Elek inclined his head. "Perhaps I'm being slightly too forward," he conceded. He deliberately kept his empathic abilities close to himself - aside from Melanie clearly able to detect any such attempt to feel her emotions, it would be incrddibly crass.
He sighed, and sat forward in the chair, looking closely at the doctor.
"We didn't exactly get off on the right foot, did we?" he said, a half-smile on his face.

"Both times I would say not."

Elek raised his eyebrows and nodded. "I apologise for not ... remaining in control. I regret it. I would genuinely like to start again. Can we start with a clean slate? I feel that you and I have a lot in common."

"If you think it necessary but I will not discuss him with you." She said finally taking her seat.

"This time, I'm not asking you to," he said. "And I'm not saying it's necessary. Friendship isn't always necessary between two people, but it is pleasant. And as you and I will be working closely together while we're stationed aboard the Freedom, it would be ... more logical if we got along."

Elek turned his head and looked out of the window, watching the stars glimmer. "You know, when I was a boy, I used to travel between El-Aurian and Betazed on a regular basis, and I used to love looking up at the stars, looking at the different constellations." He looked back at Melanie. "You wouldn't believe it, but there were seven stars in the Betazed northern hemisphere that I could spot from El-Auria."

"I was born on a starship, my mother died when I was young and my father died when his ship disintegrated around him, making sure everyone, including me, got into the escape pods, during the battle of Chin'toka. I have never been 'home' to Betazed."

"Well, that's a shame," Elek said. "Because I find it a ... calming place. Although, I'll be honest, it's changed so much ... I don't think I could ever call it 'home' again. I imagine you could understand my feelings there."

"Yes I do. Filthy creatures destroyed what was my family estate, killed what was left of my betazoid family." And now she was completely alone. Her mind screamed out in sorrow. He was making her feel angrier, sadder. She stood up suddenly and stood staring out at the stars.

"You have a real talent counselor. I feel worse than when you came through that door." She said not turning around.

"And I imagine that was pretty hard."

Elek leaned back in his chair and sighed. She was a passionate woman - he could see that from just her stance, her posture, the way she spoke. Her feelings were clearly very near the surface, and so were her memories of her upbringing, her childhood, that even the slightest memory of someone else could bring her own rushing back.

"Melanie, I'm not here to counsel here, please believe me on that. The memories you have, of your childhood, your upbring ... they're yours, not mine. If I don't know what's a sensitive subject for you and what's not, then we're in a quandry, because I would like to think we're going to be friends. I think we have every potential to be. I like you, I really do - there's something about you that tells me to trust you. And before you say anything, don't worry, I'm not asking for that compliment back."

He smiled slightly at her back. "I'm not asking you to discuss anything or anyone that is personal, private or distressing to you," he went on. "I'm just asking for your understanding. That a friend talks about subjects because they find them interesting." Elek shrugged. "We could just as easily talk about something else. Is there a subject that you'd like to discuss? It can be as mundane and everyday as the weather."

She laughed, "I am sorry but I am not able to trust you. I find it difficult to trust people. As for the weather..." She smiled. "I miss New Zealand, I miss the beach, the sand, my house I shared with..." Melanie stopped. "I miss the ocean." She sighed and sat back down.

"I didn't ask you to trust me," Elek said quietly. "I have to earn trust. It's not something that can just be given out, willy-nilly. I've been there. Don't apologise for that. You have every right to be cautious. On El-Auria, there was a lake, called Lake T'niir, that was fed from a waterfall, on the far side of a forest from where I lived. I used to visit it when I wanted somewhere quiet ... private, you know." He smiled, seeing the lake in his mind's eye. "I miss that so much sometimes."

"That was my beach. I had a practice on the island but unless it was an emergency no one came to our house." Her voice was quiet, she found herself talking about the life she shared with Talar more than she had wanted. She would not open her mind to him with all this talk about Talar, she would not risk exposing her Romulan.

Elek smiled. "Sounds nice." He could see it meant a lot to her, but moved on. She would discuss it more another time if she so wanted.

"I'll tell you one thing, though, living on El-Auria. The architecture. When I started travelling to younger worlds, where the inhabitants only lived a handful of years, I found they revered buildings, because their builders had died several hundred years before. That was such an oddity to me! Imagine that ... on my world, people could build magnificent buildings, and still be around several hundred years late to do the next major renovation work on it. It was a fact of life to us - to younger races, it was ... an obsession."

Melanie nodded. "After the Battle of Chin'toka, I went to Starfleet Medical and worked there until I resigned just months later. I stayed on Earth, happy on the island with my Vulcan. I was recalled three months ago to Starfleet and was assigned here. I did not take anytime during those ten years to visit any place...I only saw it in holopictures."

Elek nodded. "I like Earth's arcitecture - it's so varied, because of its varied cultures and climates. I tell you, the blandest is Vulcan - they have one climate, and a single culture stretching back over 2,000 years. No real variance in their buildings. That's so sad. My seventh ... no, eighth wife was Vulcan, and she couldn't agree with me. Understandable, I suppose." He smiled. "Even Vulcans can feel a sense of pride in their buildings." His face clouded for a moment. "Forgive me, talking away about Vulcans ... I promised you I would not mention another word on the subject."

"It...is alright Termin...I brought it up. He was on DS5 when it was attacked...he was killed." She looked down at her hands for a long moment before making eye contact with the man sitting across from her. "BUT that is all I will say on the matter! As of right now the matter is completely closed and off limits!"

Elek held his hands up in surrender. "Of course, I completely understand. My apologies for my lack of tact." He gave her a wan smile. "Even diplomats are prone to it."

He stood up and walked to the window. "I see now why you and I are going to get along. We are both very private people, with deep emotions." He paused, then shrugged. "That's part of being a Betazoid, I guess - deep emotions. They can be intense to deal with."

"I try and keep my mind closed to others, I do not want to project my emotions to them...there have been consequences to that in the past. I..." No...she shook her head, she was not going to go down the destructive path of self-loathing or thinking herself damaged.

"The deeper the emotions, the more powerful they can be," Elek replied in a quiet voice. "And the more volatile. If we can channel those emotions into something positive, then we are honouring those emotions and honouring the cause of those emotions." He smiled. "Listen to me, wittering on. He took a deep breath, released it, and sat back in his chair. "I can leave you in solitude, if you would like?"

"No." She said suddenly. "I may need a counselor or...friend afterall. " She shook her head. "The captain stopped me from doing something terrible today."

Elek raised an eyebrow. "Oh?" he asked. "What happened?"

Melanie stood up again and back to the window, she couldn't believe that she was trusting this man with what she had nearly did today. "This is completely confidential understand?"

Elek nodded, but didn't say anything. He didn't want to cut into anything Hemmingway was about to say.

"I was on my way to kill the prisoner before the captain stopped me. I was so filled with anger and hate that I wanted nothing more than to kill him for what he did to my Izmadi for what another of his race attacking my being... The captain stopped me when the pistol I was carrying dropped from my hand. I wasn't planning on using the weapon on him." She laughed bitterly turning around, "I had a hypospray with enough medication to send the prisoner into cardiac arrest."

Elek sat and kept his eyes focused on the doctor's - he would not look away, she deserved that much. She had loved her partner ... could he, in all honesty, not say that he had felt the same level of rage of anger when Riien was killed in a shuttle accident?

She let the information digest with Termin before she spoke again. "I don't think I would have actually done anything to Nniol. No...I am positive I would not have done anything to him as much as I hate his kind for what they have done to me over the past 12 years I would not have killed him."

Elek nodded. "I understand," he said quietly. "I really do. My third wife was killed in a shuttle accident and, at the time, I was convinced it was deliberate. I wanted to go back to Romulus and tear down the Houses I suspected of killing my wife." The corners of his mouth twitched up. "I can appreciate the depths of your feelings. What are you going to do you?" he asked.

"But don't you understand?? That man in the brig IS responsible for the death of mine. He protected me from so much in the past and when I asked him to join me he died. What am I going to do? Nothing. I am confined to my quarters and sickbay and if Nniol needs medical attention I will send one of my medical personnel. I made a promise....no harm will come to him while he is on this ship. As cowardly as it is I will let someone else kill him."

Elek sat forward, a sudden intensity on his face that he had not shown before. "It is *not* cowardly to do the right thing!" he said passionately. "To do that, you have to have courage ... to suppress your initial instinct and do what you know is right."

He stood, the passion still evident in his body language, and walked to the window. He sighed, but when he spoke, that same intensity revealed itself. "I've seen so many people walk away, thinking they're cowards, and they're not. You, Melanie, are not a coward. You are brave to face your fear, your grief ... and still do what you recognise is right."

Melanie nodded, she was unsure what to say. She looked at him and contemplated opening her mind to him but knew that she was not strong enough to keep the secrets locked away from him. "Thank you" She responded quietly looking back out at the stars.

Elek returned to the window. "We all need a friend," he said, "even if it's someone to rant at ... or occasionally confide in, knowing that it goes no further than them."

He glanced sideways, but knew Hemmingway wouldn't open up any further about whatever it was today. He was old enough and empathic enough to know when someone was hiding something that was, in their mind, extremely important, but he wouldn't push it. Sometimes it was enough for the person to know that they could talk to someone, even if they never did.

Elek smiled slightly at the doctor. "I may be a diplomat when I'm on duty," he said, "but here I'm just a person, with no hidden agenda." He gripped her shoulder, keeping his barriers firmly in place. "I'll help you through whatever you're going through, as much as I can."

"Again...thank you and I apologise for my behaviour earlier and in sickbay." She replied.

"And I apologise for mine."

They stood in companionable silence.

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Lt. Melanie Hemmingway
CMO
USS Freedom

Lt (JG) Termin Elek
CDO

 

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