Heart to heart 5: Beautiful transformation

Posted on 01 May 2012 @ 6:38am by

1,573 words; about a 8 minute read

Mission: M8-A: Kzinti War - Recon from Hell
Location: XO's quarters
Timeline: After the arrest

Ciara said nothing, just held her for a while, comforting her the one way she knew how. "He'd be the biggest fool if he didn't..." she said firmly as she got up. "I need another hot chocoloate... actually I we both could do with something stronger..." she said witrh mirth. "But I am on duty ..... I think..." she said, thinking that she had no idea when her shift were actually. She had not bothered too look and Da'nal hadn't bothered her.

Zaria giggled shyly and said, "I'm a horrible drunk. Tend to hit on anyone in the vicinity and then pass out. But another hot chocolate would be nice," she sighed and added, "I wish I could talk like this to Kretorg about how I feel and why. He just doesn't get it though. He figures that I knew what I was getting into when I became his consort so there should be no residual emotions, resentments, or regrets. I almost feel like I exasperate him more often than not and he thinks I should buck up and 'be a Klingon' about it. But I'm not.
And I never will be. I'm not Alex. I don't stuff emotions down. I wear them on my sleeve and my heart gets broken for it. Over and over and over..."

Ciara got the steaming decadent beverages and set them on the coffee table in front of them. "Alex?" she asked confused.

Sighing, Zaria explained, "His ex. The captain of the Rapier. I think I mentioned her earlier? He was her XO. For awhile, he was good for her, but she wasn't very good for him. They were a VERY volatile couple. He asked me to counsel them after he and I ran into each other in the holodeck and talked through our relationship frustrations with each."

"Oh yes,,, you did mention her... " Ciara said sipping her drink, ~I have to read up on his history, sounds like a Klingon opera.....~ "You mentioned earlier that you can talk to him, or rather that you can actually talk to each other, that he can be reasonable... perhaps, when the time is right, you need to let him know exacty how you feel, even if he doesn't understand it, at least you have expressed it.... Do Klingon even experience the same range of emotions we do... ?" she asked throughtfully. "You are so opening my mind...I thought they are
basically angry, only really degrees of it..." she remarked.

"I've tried talking to him but his confusion over my emotions frustrates him and that frustrates me," Zaria said, her voice faltering once more, "It's the one big thing between us, really...his lack of understanding my range of emotions or why I have them. And as for Klingons and their emotions...most, I believe, are expressed as anger but there truly is a wider variety. At least with some."

"I think it is a problem in some relationships where both are human," Ciara mused. "Many men simply don't have the foggiest about how we are wired.... sometimes...". Ciara pushed her hair back. "You could have had exactly the same problem if you were with a human man..." Ciara remarked. "And you seem to be very sensitive and complex," she added, smiling, as she meant it as a compliment. "That must draw him, because he doesn't understand it...." In her line of work, Ciara was used to reaching conclusions, her mind always working to put things together and form hypotheses. "What do you most like about him?"

Something in what she'd said struck a chord with Zaria as she realized that what she'd said was exactly right. She'd had exactly the same problem with a human man. Jin. Only instead of talking her through things or allowing her to talk things through, Jin would laugh at himself for not understanding, shrug it off, and dismiss whatever was bothering her, chalking it up to her worrying too much. In essence, she suddenly understood, she'd felt over time like his dismissal of what was bothering her was a dismissal of she herself. These thoughts put her in a pensive mood and she smiled softly as she answered, "He doesn't dismiss me or my worries. He listens while I talk them through and either validates my fears by helping me come up with a solution or a contingency plan or he helps me realize that my concerns aren't warranted...or they are getting too far ahead of where we are and we have bigger things to be concerned about at that moment." Her smile now showed her fondness for Kretorg, her devotion and her love, even her full trust in him as she added, "He's safe. I can reason with him, and I can usually be sure that he won't do something wreckless. Something rash or stupid. At least, not without giving me the chance to talk him down first. Jin wasn't like that. He was very happy-go-lucky, impulsive...exciting and irresistible at first, but frustrating in his lack of understanding and he wasn't there for me when I needed him most because of it."

Ciara wiped her eyes and sniffed, smiling through the uninvited tears. Whether it was because her own emotions were so frayed, or because of the beauty of the transformation that took place right in front of her eyes, but tears ran rivulents down her cheeks. From the sweet embarrassment of breathtaking sex with someone special, to the pain of raw vulnerability, to the deep realization of enduring love, it all happened right here with this gentle and complex young woman, who was in the most unlikely and unusual relationship Ciara had ever seen. And true love bonded them beyond differences that most people could barely tolerate in collegues, let alone in a marriage like this, which it was for all practical purposes. "Hold tight onto what you have, my dear, it is far more special than you realize....." she said, hugging Zaria.

After a short pause, she dropped her eyes, a soft, melancholic smile forming on her lips. "This meant a lot to me.... " she said, just above a whisper.

"It did?" Zaria asked, surprised. She knew what it had meant to her to have someone to talk to about all this but she had felt like she was burdening a stranger so Ciara's words caught her completely by surprise.

Ciara nodded slowly, smiling, containing the feelings that threatened to overwhelm her at that point. "Yes... it was good and comforting to hear your story... "

"How? Why?" Zaria asked in confusion.

Ciara grew somber for a moment, but the brave smile appeared again, shaky and uncertain now that the focus was changed to herself. "Let's just say, that it reminds me of my own...." She felt the emotion chock her, but she took a few monents to regain her composure. "..life..." .

Nodding in understanding, Zaria said, "Well, after listening to my tale, I'd be happy to listen to yours...when you're ready."

Once again uninvited tears streamed down her face, and unconsciously her eyes trailed to the picture of her family, laying on the coffee table. She nodded as her shoulders shook as she started to sob.

Zaria moved closer and wrapped an arm around her shoulders, just holding her while she cried.

Ciara could not control the pent up grief to spill over, no matter how embarrassing it was. There had been no chance for her to cry, but now it came in a flood of pain. The kindness and gentleness of the other woman was just too much for her to bear. And the topic was just the last but that pushed her over the edge. For the last three days she
had been like a zombie, numb with shock, and no one to talk to. After a while she sat up again, tired and spent. "I apologize...." she said softly, holding on to the bit of composure she
had now.

"No need to apologize..." Zaria said with a soft smile, "I mean, how much did you listen to me? No one else was there for me when I needed it so why not be here for you?"

Ciara smiled through her tears and squeezed, Zaria's hand. "Thank you........" she whispered, getting up to wipe her face. She had the replicator produce her a cool wet cloth and pressd it against her face and eyes. "How am I now going to try to look presentable?" she said with a wry chuckle. "I was about to resign my commission, when Captain Da'nal refused the resignation and now I am Execitive Officer.... by default.... " she said, clearly not happy about that fact, but trying to lighten the mood, hers in any case.

"Gee, that sounds familiar," Zaria said dryly with a wry smile, "I think Starfleet does that just to mess with us."

"This time it is just the Captain," she said glad to have veered the conversation off. This woman must think she was a cry baby if she got so upset just because of being appointed against her will, but it was okay. "My resignation couldn't be sent off anyway, we have radio silence," she said with a wry smile. "But messed me around, yes, I know no one on the crew. All I wanted was to go home and.... " she wanted to say something different, but caught herself. "... and start a new life...." she said.

TBC

 

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