Dealing with Loss

Posted on 07 Dec 2010 @ 12:11pm by Colonel Stadi Andrus

1,113 words; about a 6 minute read

Mission: M7: Shore Leave - Mercer Colony
Location: Counselor's Office
Timeline: Current

Stadi stood in front of the counsellor's door, her index finger hovered over the the chime for a moment before taking a deep breath and pressing it. She could feel herself shutting down again and she didn't want to go through that again. It had taken her so long to get back to where she was comfortable around people again, and felt safe enough starting new friendships and relationships. Melanie's death had triggered all the memories of losing Logan but this time she felt anger towards herself.

"Come in," a voice said from behind the door.

Stadi walked in tentatively. She wasn't one that liked to talk about her feelings but it seemed that was all she was doing the last little while. She was immediately greeted by the counsellor.

"Hello," Ballam said as he stood and extended a hand.

She took his hand. "Hello," She replied.

"I'm Ethen Ballam, and I am the ship's new Chief Counselor."

"Stadi Andrus, archaeologist and anthropologist. I just arrived myself."

"Ah!," he said. "That takes some of the awkwardness off. Neither of us has
to worry about not knowing enough about the ship, or the people...in fact,
you caught me just as I was about to report to the command staff, but that
can wait for a bit."

Ethen motioned Stadi over to a couple of couches that monopilized one
corner of the room. Once they were comfortably seated, he said:

"Well, now that we've met, what brings you to my office today?"

Stadi looked at him and thought about how she was going to respond to his question. "I'm angry." She simply said. "I am angry with the fact that I can't feel anything towards the man I loved, who died protecting me." Stadi kept her voice level not wanting to cause an outburst.

"Strong feelings in these sorts of matters is quite normal, and to be expected," Ballam said calmly.
"It's a part of how we cope. But before we jump into that, may I ask how this man died? And may I
also get his name?"

"His name was Logan Tennant." Stadi started off. She went into the story of how they were delivering medical supplies, Logan was a marine and he was protecting the shuttlecrafts along with his partner. "We were on a mission of mercy and the shuttles and Logan's craft were shot down...along with Mateo's. Logan found use but he was gravely injured, he somehow found us even though he was a kilometre away. He died in my arms...Mateo did everything he could but it wasn't enough...the rescue vessel didn't come for another three hours after that." She absentmindedly began twisting the engagement ring he had given her. Stadi no longer wore it on her ring finger on her left hand but instead on the right.

"That would be a horrible experience," Ballam replied, making a mental note to look up the official logs of the events. "What was it like to go through all of this?"

"I highly recommend you try it sometime!" She exclaimed and jumped from her seat. She began to pace. "I was completely destroyed. According to the logs I spent about 6 weeks in my quarters, I don't remember any of it. I left the Aurora because I could feel him everywhere around me. I thought I was losing it completely. Now...I feel more for Melanie, a woman I was friends with, than I do for Logan! What kind of person does that make me? He was everything to me and I don't feel anything but anger against me because I don't feel his loss. This all happened six months ago!"

"I think you *are* feeling the loss of Logan, and you are angry about it, but because he is not here,
you can't direct that anger at HIM, so it gets directed everywhere else," Ethen pointed out. "Being reminded
of it, and of him only makes the anger worse, which may explain why you left the Aurora. But you just
said that other people are angry at you?"

"What? No...I am angry at myself. I do not seem to be able to articulate my thoughts at the moment." She said with a sigh and sat back down. "I miss him so much...It feels like there is a hole in my chest that is never going to heal."

"This may seem somewhat strange, but what you are going through right now is what makes human life unique. We appreciate and grieve the loss of people around us. We understand on a very personal level that each person's life experiences are different ... that some of us will leave this life before others."

Ethen paused a second, then started on a different approach.

"I am thinking that perhaps you need some time away from your duties," he said. "A time to reflect some more, perhaps
get some more of those feelings out, but mostly just a chance for you to take a step back, a break from life, so to speak.
Does this sound good? We are at a shore colony, so I can easily put you in for some leave time, if you wish."

~But I am not human.~ Stadi thought to herself. "Perhaps I have returned to work too early."

"At the very least, it will give you some time to collect your thoughts, safely vent some emotions, and take care of yourself," Ethen said. "Starfleet often overlooks this area of grieving. I have to report to the Captain here in a bit. I'll raise the issue with him."

"Thank you Ethen." She said quietly. "I should go organise my lab...I know, I know, take time to myself but I hate leaving my lab in disarray."

"Tell you what," Ethen said. "I'll report to the Captain, but I'll arrange to activate the leave time myself. You just tell me when you are ready to start."

"Start it now...I know I will probably end up doing some research while I am away. My mind always finds it way back to the latest paper I am working on."

"I'll have to clear it with the Captain," Ethen said, "but given the circumstances, I don't think there will be much of a problem."

"Thank you again...if you need me you can find me in my lab." She smiled and stood up to leave.

"Thank you for coming in," Ethen said. "If you need to talk again, I'll be here."

---
END:

This bit of posty goodness is brought to you by:


Lt. Ethen Ballam
Chief Counselor - USS Achilles

&

Ltjg. Stadi Andrus


OOC: This prolly should be posted soon. :)

 

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